Friday, December 29, 2006


December has always been a busy month for everyone. A long holiday to celebrate Christmas and New Year has made people go crazy with all the plans on the best way celebrating these important events of the year. This December, my husband and I have planned to spend our holiday in Malacca. But unfortunately, due to floods, we are forced to cancel it. You can read more about floods in Malaysia from The Star Newspaper.

December is also the best time to go for shopping as many shopping malls will have beautiful Christmas and New Year decorations. The shops will offer many year end sales (such as Year End Sale in Malaysia). There will be loads of Christmas and New Year activities on the shopping malls to attract more shoppers.

When December comes, every one suddenly seems so important to me. Some will make sure that I remember them during this month... ;-)
Surely this will make it more difficult for me to decide what will be the best present to give them. The worst part is that I believe in my own translation of 'best present' to give to people. The gift I thought was unique, would turn out to be weird to their eyes. The gift I thought was simple and modest, would make them think I am a very cheapskate person. The gift I thought was thoughtful, would actually offend them. It is really not easy for me to meet these people's expectations when my head goes to a different direction.

I personally don't care about what people give to me. It's the thought that counts. The fact that they have made an effort to put my name in their list is something that should be appreciated. To tell you the truth, I really want to have a friend as my Christmas gift. Yeap, just a friend/s, a true friend/s that is always ready to forgive and forget, never expects anything in return or never expects me to give more than what she/he has given me.

Christmas is about sharing and forgiving. Unfortunately, many people remember that Christmas time is a time to exchange gifts only, so, if they don't get the gifts like what they have expected, they are ready to NOT forgive for the whole coming year. It's sad really. I'm sure when Christ is born, He does not to like to face this kind of attitude from the people around Him.

For me, the month of December indicates the start and the end. December indicates the starting of preparation for my heart and my mind for the coming of our Saviour Jesus Christ by learning to forget other people's mistakes and forgive them and also by learning to accept people just the way they are though I always find it hard to do.

December also indicates that this year is nearly end. It indicates that all the good and bad things that have happened in my life this year will or may have to come to an end so I have to get ready for a new chapter in my life with new exciting things in a different roller coaster ride.

And today is just 2 days before December ends. Already have many things been going on in the country I live in. The floods in Johor, Malacca, and other parts of the country, have forced many people to end the year with a bitter memory of this year, losing their most precious things in their lives. The disruption of the internet world because of the earthquake in Taiwan, has forced many netters feeling numb as they don't know what to do without the internet forgetting that the people in Taiwan are suffering more because of the earthquake.

With so many ups and downs going on in our lives, many of us hope for a better year this coming new year. As for me, I hope to become a better person who deserves a better roller coaster ride this coming year. In the meantime, as the clock ticks approaching midnite of the last day in December this year, I am trying to cherish every moment I have with all people that I love where ever they are, near and far, as they have become beautiful part of my life in their special way.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Merry Christmas to you all

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Il Divo Live Concert in Kuala Lumpur

If I'm allowed to have a free translation on the word "Il Divo", I will translate it to "Men of my dream"...Yeap, men of my dream.
David Miller, Carlos Marin, Sebastian Izambard, and of course, my favourite, Urs Buhler, have all things I have ever dreamt of a man should be. They are gorgeous, neat, cool, nice and have voice of angels.
I have goose bumps everytime I hear them singing. With their magnificent voices and with such perfect combination, they take me to the land of my dream as if they sang their songs to me's only in my dream that they would sing their songs especially for me unless I watch them on TV all by myself.
I could actually make my dream come true by watching their concert when they come to Malaysia next month, but unfortunately, the ticket is so expensive and I really cannot afford to buy it even for the cheapest one.These men of my dream will continue to be part of my dream even when they are going to start their World tour from Kuala lumpur, Malaysia. They will perform for a 1 night show only on the 16th January 2007 at the Plenary hall, KLCC.
From 8 December 2006 - 7 January 2007, CIMB bank berhad is having Il Divo contest for all its account holders. The grand prize is 2 priceless Royal Box tickets, a chauffer driven ride in a BMW to the concert, dinner for 2 at Lafite and a 2-night stay in a suite at the Shangri-La Hotel, plus invitations for 2 to an exclusive function with Il Divo.CIMB also will give away a pair of RM500 or RM1000 ticket to other 50 lucky winners of the contest. To win the ticket, you need to have CIMB/SBB/BCB account, fill up the contest form, answer 3 simple questions and tell them why you and your friend would like to see Il Divo Live. The best statement will win the grand prize. The winners will be announced on the 9 January 2007.
I wish I could win the CIMB grand prize...hiks.. :'(
It would really be a dream come true to me to be able to watch the men of my dream sing right in front of my eyes and come to a function where I would be able to have a chit-chat with them. You wish, Potter!! Yeah..yeah..I wish... :'(

Monday, December 11, 2006

Just google it...

The first time I heard about google was in 2000 from my husband's friend who was doing a research with Stanford University.
At that time, google was unheard of. So, when he used google as his main search engine, I questioned him why he chose to use not-so-popular search engine with a weird name and a boring homepage. He told me that google was just a search engine. Though it looked super simple, it used a very good search algorithm and even ranked the results so it's easier for you to see which result match your query best. He particularly liked the "I'm feeling lucky" button.
Oh well, I just laughed at his explanation. Inside my heart I still did not believe that google would successfully take over Yahoo's popularity for the search engine.
But quitely, I tried to use google. At first, I did not like it because I was not used to it. Slowly, I found out that although the homepage looked so boring (with just 1 textbox and 2 buttons), this search engine was very efficient and gave me the exact result to my query, not just some websites with missing links that relate to my queries. Since then, I understood my husband's friend explanation about the power of google. I 'demoted' Yahoo and 'promoted' google as my main search engine. I even used google more than my husband whom at that time got so used to Yahoo as his main search engine and reluctant to use something that he was not familiar with. Soon, the phrase 'just google it' (at that time people still thought I just didn't know the english word for 'search engine') became my favourite phrase.
When I moved out of Sillicon Valley to continue my study, I continued spreading the news about this powerful search engine. Until one day in 2004, I read a news about this company going public and offering an IPO of USD85 a share. I was very surprised because I thought USD85 for an IPO was a very expensive price. I doubted (again) that the stock price was going to go up much higher because it already started at a very expensive price.
But then, just 2 years after google's IPO, the stock price has gone up not just triple but 'multiple' from USD85 (a quick checked on Yahoo finance showed the price is at USD484.11 per share now). Google has become a successful company and has been offering more than just a search engine now. Even the word google has made it to the dictionary as an official word.
I shouldn't have doubted it in the beginning when I first found out how powerful their search engine algorithm was. Until now I still use google alot and I also use other products from it. So far I am quite satisfied though I'm a bit disappointed when I can't attach my program files (though they don't have .exe extention) to my gmail.
One thing I regret so much up to now is that I didn't buy the stock at the IPO price. Now, I can't afford it anymore... :-(
Oh well, it shows that I am only human who has no power to tell the future. What I can do is keep on saying my favourite phrase "just google it" and do the action too.

The power of love

Love binds parent and child.
Give your child all the love he needs.
Give him care-continously, consistently. It's essential for his mental development.
Give him your time. The hours you spend with him mean more than you will ever imagine.
Give him opportunities. To learn and experience new things. This enriches his mind.
Give him encouragement. In work and play. Do not limit his attempts at exploring, imitating, creating, imagining and constructing.
Give him the right to be different. He's unique-don't compare him with his brothers or sisters.
Give him praise. For all his achievements. But even more-for all his effort in trying, even if he fails.
Give him understanding.Consider his age and temperament when you show disapproval. You may reject his behaviour, but never the child.
Give him reassurance-constantly. Never withdraw from him. Or threaten to stem your love or give him away.
Give him everything he needs. Expect nothing in return. You chose to have him - he did not choose to have you.
So teach him respect for elders and filial piety.
The more you give, the more you'll receive.
That is truly the power and wonder of love.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Order of The Phoenix Extras Set Report

For those Potter lovers. You can view the video clip of the new Harry Potter movie OoTP from Extra which include new Interviews with Dan and Emma at the King Cross train station.

I am not sure if I will be able to give a fair review of the movie because I am a huge Potter fan and also Daniel Radcliffe fan. I don't know who I love more, Dan or Harry. I can't seem to separate them both...whe..he..he..Even I named my son after him... ;-)....hmm..guess which one??... :-D

Monday, November 27, 2006

For better for worse...

7 years ago, in front of God and His witnesses, my husband and I recited our marriage commitment and since then, we have been trying our best to keep that commitment which is really not as easy as saying it.

To be able to reach the magic number 7, we had to go through numerous arguments, fights, temporary separations, and countless number of tears dropped in the middle of the night. It's really not easy. It drains out our energy and mind.

It got harder when our beloved son came into place at the most unexpected time but we managed to pull it through. In fact, our son is always the best reason to keep this marriage going and going and going just like one of the batteries advertisement.

I tell you again and again. It's not easy. 2 different heads from 2 completely different background are trying to become 1 and love is supposed to be the only thing that can 'glue' us. But unfortunately, just like real glue, love sometimes is not 'sticky' enough and when that time comes, our son will be the only hope to add the stickiness to the love.

For a week before our 7th wedding anniversary, I have been very busy creating a special wedding anniversary gift for my husband. I wanted to be unique and personal that would touch his emotion deeply.

I put into a halt all my other projects, my Ebay, and my housework so that I could concentrate on finishing the gift on time. It's a movie about us, about the wedding, about how we started to fall in love, about how we have been doing so far. It's quite a complicated work because I had to use my deepest emotion to gather all our photos, our songs, our home videos, sort them, then I had to add some words that would suppose to make the movie touchier. I worked on it day and night depriving me of my sleep for a week.

Just a day before our wed anniversary, my husband and I had an argument. This incident had altered my emotion and chased away my mood completely when I was supposed to add beautiful and touchy words to the movie. I was extremely disappointed. I tried my best to get my mood back but it preferred to stay away from me. D'oh I felt so angry with my self. I kept on reminding my self that I love my husband and I wanted to give him my most personal wedding anniversary gift ever.

When I was staring at my computer and my unfinished movie, suddenly my door bell rang. I jumped up quickly to open the door. A man stood in front of my door carrying a big bouquet of red roses. At first I thought this man has came to a wrong address but then when he mentioned my name and asked for my confirmation and said a greeting of “Happy Anniversary” before giving the bouquet to me, I just couldn’t hide my biggest smile ever. When the man has disappeared, I quickly opened a card attached to the bouquet just to make sure that it really was for me. My eyes and mouth opened so widely knowing that my husband was the one who sent that beautiful roses especially for me. I really never expected that because I know my husband very well. The last time he tried to buy me red roses, he bought me a bunch of sun flowers instead. Besides, he is not a romantic person what so ever. So, that bouquet was really a big surprise for me.

I read the words written on the beautiful pink card accompanying the bouquet, “With love-Because you’re special and you have a certain way of making magic moments happen every single day…With love-Because there’s nothing that I would rather do than spend my time throughout our life together-loving you. Happy Anniversary. God bless us forever…Luv u 4ever,” and he signed with his name (usually he uses “hubby” but this time he uses his name), the name that I always love to hear again and again.

I suddenly felt my warm tears dropped down my cheeks. Man! He got me first! He got into my deepest emotion first! I haven’t even finished my movie and the anniversary would not come until the next day. I quickly called him and thanked him for the beautiful gift. At the same time I felt my I-thought-already-gone-for-good-mood coming back and even better than before. I found it so easy to finish the movie and when my husband was back home, I bluetooth the file to his laptop and asked him not to watch it until the next day.

At the end, we watched the movie together. He kissed and hugged me tightly and said, “I love you”. That’s enough to bring the satisfaction in me. We know very well that the road to happiness is very bumpy and slippery. If we do not hold on to each other, we will fall and break apart. We do not want that because we have put our everything to build this family and we will not allow anything, anyone, to destroy it, for better for worst, not even death will do us apart. That’s our commitment. Not easy to keep, but we have chosen to have it, so we are responsible to protect it. With God's help, we believe things are going to be easier for us.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Happy Feet

The moment I saw the ad for this movie, I went quickly to the website ( and wanted to find out more about this movie including the release date in my country. Lucky for me because this movie is released a day earlier than in what is written on the website so I didn't have to wait too long to watch this movie. After watching this movie, 1 word came out from my mouth, "CUTTTTEEEE!!!!!!".
Just to repeat, CUTE! CUTE! CUTE!

This movie is super cute! I love this cute movie so much.

Happy feet is a story about the emperor penguins focusing on the story around Mumble the super cute baby penguin who has the worst voice among all penguins but is an excellent tap dancer.

There are many fun songs and dances on the movie, not to mention funny dialogues and moves by the penguins. Just by watching the way these penguins walk, already made me bursting to laugh.
It's rated U (in Malaysia), so it is a very good family movie. Go take your children with you to have fun together.

In Malaysia, Golden Screen Cinema (GSC) has loads of promotions for this movie. I got a huge HAPPY FEET umbrella yesterday when I watched this movie by purchasing 1 big caramel popcorn with coke and sprite + additional payment of RM5.50. I think it's quite a good deal for such a big and cute umbrella for just RM5.50.

Go watch this movie! Guarranty you'll be happy too!

Friday, November 03, 2006

What a morning!

This morning I took my son to the hospital to get his Hepatitis A immunisation together with my maid. I strolled him all the way to the hospital.
My son was such a good boy today. He wore his white shirt with collar and his black pants. He also wore his brand new shoes I bought for his 2nd birthday gift. He absolutely loves the shoes. I know he feels good and handsome with his new shoes.
In the hospital he threw smiles to every one and he even posed so that I could take his photograph. What a cute boy!
When the doctor injected him, he cried for 5 seconds then he smiled again to the doctor. He even opened his mouth willingly when doctor wanted to check his throat. Usually, it takes 3 people to hold him and to open his mouth. But today he is such a wonderful boy.
When we went back home, we saw there was a notice board in front of 2 elevators of our apartment saying that both elevators are under maintenance.
Oh no! This can't be true! This is what I'm scared of the most because I live in nearly the highest floor section.
I tried to calm my self down while looking at the big stroller, my son, my maid, my son's bag plus his toys, my umbrella and let out a big sigh.
I told my son to get down from his stroller and asked my maid to fold the stroller. This stroller is still big though it has been folded. It weighs 10kg. I started to collect my son's bag, my umbrella, my son toys, my own bag and my son't water bottle.
I held my son's hand and guided him to go up by the staircase one step at a time. My maid dashed off first with the stroller.
We managed to go up to the 5th floor by staircase very slowly. I can see that my son was tired already. He started to drag his legs and he didn't want me to hold his hands anymore because he wanted to crawl up the staircase. Oh poor my little boy! His palms are all dirty.
When we arrived at 7th floor, my son had no more energy to crawl up. He started to loose his concentration and run out to the apartments on this floor. Maybe he thought we had arrived at our apartment because he wanted to open the gate of one of the apartment there.
I told him we haven't arrived yet. Still a long way to go up. I really pity him. Along the way, we met up with our neighbors who were nice enough to offer their help to carry my son all the way up. But I just turned down the offers. I carried my son with my left hand (my son weighs 14.5kg) and carried other stuffs on my right hand and continued climbing up the staircase. It was really a good exercise for me... :D
Finally, I arrived in front of my apartment door. Oh God! I felt so happy. I sweat so much, more than if I run on the park... ;D
After entering the apartment, my son started to run around the house again and I really had no energy to chase him. I was so thirsty I drank 2 glasses of water. I hope the elevators will be back to normal soon.
If I have to do this twice a day 24/7, sure I'll be thinner in no time... :D

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

My motherhood celebration

Happy halloween people!
I personally do not celebrate halloween because in the city I live, halloween is not celebrated and no one makes it a big deal. I do not expect any children knocking on my door for a trick or treat and I do not decorate my house with the scary pumpkin either.
But then it doesn't mean that this day is an ordinary day for me. It is not. In fact, it is a very special day for me because today, I am celebrating 2 years of my motherhood/parenthood experience. I have decorated the house not with scary pumpkin but with many colorful ballons, animals and cartoon characters, and colorful writing on the wall to celebrate my son's 2nd birthday.
At first I wanted to make the Barney birthday cake by myself, but then I was very busy preparing other stuffs and it was too late when I went back home yesterday. So, I just bought a black forest birthday cake for my son.
When he woke up this morning, he was very happy to see the decoration I made on the wall. Since he loves Barney so much, I picked the Barney theme for him. And he was very happy to wear the Barney hat and blowing the Barney whistle after he blew the birthday candle.
I can't believe he is 2 years old already. I have been his mother for 2 years. I can still remember vividly the delivery process, the pain, the tiredness, the frustration I experienced 2 years ago.
Now though he still makes me frustrated but I can enjoy that frustration because he has become my best friend. He likes to run around, climb up the chairs and tables, tease me, tell me a story or just mumble some words he still doesn't know how to say. He can even instruct people to do things and I actually have a funny experience with this one.
When we went to visit my parents, we took my son and his cousin (my bro's 2nd son) to Carrefour and we rented 2 trolleys with car for kids attached to the trolleys. Then after finished shopping, my son went out of his car and walked to his cousin's car. He opened his cousin's car door and instructed him to get out of his car because he wanted to ride that car. My son did that with his body language and a very serious expression. There were no words came out from his mouth. He pointed his finger to the floor instructing his cousin to go down from the car. At first his cousin didn't get it and just sit quitely in his car and my son felt frustrated and he just shook his head while kept his eyes on his cousin. Then he repeated his body language and finally his cousin understood and went out of the car and let my son in.
Every one who saw this incident laughed so much because of my son cute body language. He didn't want to say a word because he understood that when he talked he would use the word "down" and he was afraid his cousin didn't understand him because his cousin speaks in different language. So, body language would work best. mother couldn't stop laughing everytime she remembers that incident.
My son is always God's best gift and God's best magic for me. I really feel great to be his mother.
Today, exactly 2 years I have become a mother and I am very proud of that title. I know 2 years of motherhood is still nothing and I still need to learn more to be a good mother for my beloved son. Happy birthday, my son! God be with you always.

Back from balik kampung

I'm back to my ordinary boring days after spending a week of balik kampung with
my family. It was a great break for me and for the whole family since we could
enjoy 4 days of the big cities 'quiteness' with no traffic jam on the

Unlike most people who live and work in the big city but grew up
in the kampung, I grew up in a big city but now living in a small city. So, my
balik kampung is actually balik kota (city). This is good because I can avoid
the long traffic jam on the roads everytime I go back to my big city and I can
enjoy the 'quiteness' of the city.

I had a great time spending time with
my small family, my parents, my brother and his family, my cousins, and my
neighbors. Those who celebrated hari raya visited our house to greet each other.
I could see that my parents were very happy and this really made me feel happy
too. Too bad everytime we visit them, it is always a very short visit (less than
a week). I miss them still.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Mohon maaf lahir dan batin

Teruntuk semua yang merayakan hari raya aidil fitri, saya mengucapkan selamat hari raya aidil fitri, mohon maaf lahir dan batin.

I'm off to join the exodus of balik kampung and will be back soon.
If you drive, drive safely and remember your loved ones waiting at home.
If you fly, don't carry anything dangerous for you and for the whole passengers.
If you take train/bus, watch out for your belonging and your kids.

Happy holiday, people!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Let the rain wash away the haze

It rains! It rains so heavily in the place I live! I guess I am not the only one who feels so greateful for this heavy rain. For the past 1 month, the rain was not to heavy and it was triggered by a cloud seeding to clear the haze, courtesy the Indonesians, that covers many parts of the country I live.

It rains! It rains so heavily 'till I can't even see the buildings next to building I live.
I can see and hear the lightening thunder thundering outside my window.

Oh thanks God! It rains! It rains so heavily I hope this rain will clear up the sky and bring back the beautiful view of the city I live in.

It rains! It rains so heavily and I think I'd better post this story quickly before the thunder strikes my computer and me... ;)

Being an octopus

I have been very busy lately taking care of my son, house, and husband all by myself because I had sent my maid back to her agent for a recourse before she gets her new work permit. It is not a requirement by government but I just feel that it is necessary for her to touch up on her working skill and her attitude. After working for 1 year at my house, she started to downgrade her work standard and her attitude.
When she just came to work at my place a year ago, she was very polite, shy, and quite. She woke up very early and by 6am she would have taken shower and started her daily chores, but then after 6 months, she started to get up at 7am (my husband normally gets up around 6am). At first, we just left her alone and gave her a chance perhaps she couldn't sleep well and needed a longer sleep.
But then everyday, she got up later and later and I had to be one who knocked her door to wake her up and she went to bed sometimes as early as 9pm. I asked her why she got up so late and she told me her alarm clock didn't work. So, I fixed the alarm clock and it worked fine and still she got up after 7am. Sometimes she got up so late that we all had to stay in the bed because she still had to mop the floor and everything was delayed. Oh by the way, she is quite fierce. She can just yell at us (her employers) and instruct us what to do. I am tired of telling her anything because she would just defend her self and blame me instead for not following her rules. Oh gosh, who is the boss here??
You see why I need to send her for a recourse? Even the nurses at a hospital near our house know how fierce my maid is because when my son was hospitalized there, my maid actually yelled at one of the nurses because the nurse took a long time to fix my son's drip and the nurse got angry and she challenged my maid. Now, everytime I go to that hospital, the nurses will ask me if my maid follows me or not. I think they just want to take precaution. :)
Anyway, it's been 3 weeks since I sent my maid back to her agent. I did everything by myself. I feel like an octopus with all my body parts work at the same time.
I have to cook, clean up, wash dishes, cloths, etc. with my right hand while my left hand carrying/holding my son because he has become my tail. He follows me everywhere I go even going to toilet for whatever reason. I understand he feels lonely because mommy is very busy. I try to spend my time playing with him but when the time comes to breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I will be busy like hell and my son will become fussier.
Luckily the place I live is not too big so it is not difficult to clean and it doesn't take long time to sweep and mop the floor. My son always wants to help when I clean up the house. He happily drags the mop and starts to mop the floor when I am in the middle of sweeping the floor. So, the floor will be wet and I can't sweep anymore. Or he will just happily sit on all the dirt I collect at the corner of the house when I sweep the floor and he will play with the dirt. And anytime he feels dirty, he will run to the shower and take off his cloths and diaper and ready to be showered. In a day, he will ask for shower about 4-5 times a day. If I don't shower him, he will show temper and hide himself inside a different toilet and play with the water inside the toilet bowl. I really have to keep my eyes on him while taking care of the rest of the things at home.
I can manage without a maid, but I really loose all my freedom and all my time for myself. I can't sit infront of computer too long anymore. My ebay store is neglected, my blog is neglected, I do not have time to check my emails and I can't even concentrate writing my software that I hope I can make money from. All my time is only for my son, my husband, and my house (and I am a clean freak. So, it is very difficult to ignore things unorganized and dirty).
I am exhausted. I miss the time when I can sit down and watch my favorite TV shows while munching on some peanuts and drink a cup of tea.
I wanted to feel sorry for myself, but then I remember that I am not alone at all. And I am not even the first to do all these by myself. In fact, I should not feel sorry because as a modern mum, I have all the facilities at home that can help me to speed up my work such as my microwave, my washing machine (I don't have dryer though..he..he..), my water boiler, my new broom and mop that I don't have to give all my power to squeez it. I can choose to switch on my aircon all day to feel comfortable while working.
And when my husband is around, he will help me to shower my son and to spend time playing with him so that I can at least check my emails and writing this blog.
I can't imagine if I had to do all these during the old days when everything had to be done by hand. My mum told me she had to pump the water by hand while watching me and carrying my brother at the same time and at that time, the electricity was not even installed at our house. And my mum survived. My condition now is nothing compared to her. So, I should keep my head up, enjoy being the octopus, and feel grateful for I am a modern mum living in high-tech era.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

A truly rewarding experience

It’s a truly rewarding experience for me as a mother to hear my son repeating some words I say and to see him with all his might trying to communicate with me using the words he thinks represent his thoughts. My son is not even 2 years old yet and his vocabularies are increasing everyday.
Though some words are not correctly pronounced and it is very hard for me to understand what he is trying to say, I never feel tired and frustrated attending to him. I will try my best to guess and listen carefully to what he says. If I really can’t understand him and he gets frustrated (with me), he will just guide my hand (my finger) to point to the items. When I finally understand, he will look at my eyes and give me a big smile. Both of us will feel very very satisfied that we finally understand each other.
Since my husband, my maid, and I speak different mother tongues, this situation has make my son confused and he is learning to speak mixed languages. In 1 sentence he can use words from 2 languages at the same time. For example: when he says “duduk (= seat) big plane” and at the same time points at a picture of passenger seats inside an airplane. What he meant was “Those are the passenger seats inside the big airplane.”
Another example is when he sees a baby crying he will point at the baby and say “baby nangis (is crying) ya.” But my son can understand all the languages, such as when he counts up to 5, he can count using both English and Indonesian languages.
At the moment, he is only able to say a sentence consisting of 2-3 words only. If a sentence consists of more than 3 words, he will just mention the middle and the last word. For example: I want to eat apple and banana. My son will say “eat banana” and at the same time he will guide me to take (both) the apple and banana. Today finally he is able to add the word “apple” into his vocabulary data bank though he pronounces “apple” as “bobob”. At first I really didn’t get what he means every time he says “bobob”. But when I see him pointing (or showing me) the apple and saying “bobob” at the same time, then I understand him.
Some words that he can say them correctly are “big, plane, car, birthday cake, fish, goldfish, mommy, daddy, kongkong (grandpa), iyang (grandma - indonesian), kakung (grandpa – Indonesian), juice, bob (bob the builder children show), jojo (jojo circus children show), nangis (cry - indonesian), duduk (seat - indonesian), banana, dua (two - indonesian), bus, udah (finish - indonesian), abis (no more - indonesian), dude, kaikai (take a walk – Chinese dialect), spoon, and, clock, bobok (sleep – Indonesian), baby, book, boy, daddy’s car, minyak (oil – Indonesian), eek (pass bowel motion – Javanese Indonesian), bau (smelly – Indonesian), buang (throw away – Indonesian).”
Other words that are difficult to pronounce (according to him) will have new pronunciation which are close enough or sometimes too far they become completely new words invented by him… J When he says these words, I really can’t hide my big laugh (but I have to hide my big laugh though so that he doesn’t feel insulted).
For example: tempeh (Indonesian fermented soya bean cake) will become pepeh. Tempeh is his favorite food, by the way.
Other examples: jambu (water apple – Indonesian) will become babu. Balloon will become berun. Porcupine fish will become badabada fish. Circle will become kiko. Crayon will become keyan. Milk becomes miec. Drink milk becomes nenen. Eat becomes mamam, water becomes onyo onyo (this one he has invented it since he was 8 months old). Everytime he says onyo-onyo, I always correct it but he prefers to stick with his own invention… J There are more words but I just can’t remember them.
Wow, it seems only yesterday I gave birth to him and got frustrated when I couldn’t understand the meaning of his crying. Now suddenly I have a partner to communicate and an entertainer that will follow me every where I go. Isn’t it wonderful?
It really does a rewarding experience for me to be able to see him growing up and pick up new skills everyday right in front of my eyes. I love you my son. I truly do.

Monday, September 11, 2006

The rabbit story

One day Betsy the rabbit sat down under the moonlight, trying to recall the last conversation she had with her best friend, Binny.

Binny: “Betsy, I am tired of being a rabbit. I really want to be a lion.”

Betsy: “Why do you want to be a lion, Binny?”

Binny: “Because the lion is the king of the jungle. The Lion rules the jungle and all animals are afraid of a lion. By being a lion, I can be more powerful and no other animals dare to touch me or even to eat me.”

Betsy: “Why do you want to be more powerful, Binny?”

Binny: “Because at the moment, being a rabbit, I feel so insecure. If there are other animals bigger and stronger than me want to disturb me, they can just chase me, pull my long ears, and make fun of me. They even can just eat me because I do not have enough courage and speed to hop away from them.
I want to be bad and powerful so that those who want to eat me or make fun of me will think twice if they want to do that to me. They will just choose to avoid me and leave me alone. That’s what I want. I am tired of being attacked by other big and scary animals. I feel so powerless. I want to scream to them so that they leave me alone but they can’t even hear my voice and they shut me up all the time. They don’t even give me a chance to speak what I want. They don’t care about me. They think I am just a worthless bunny rabbit.”

Betsy: “But it doesn’t mean that once you are a lion, you will be bad, scary and powerful when deep down in your heart, you know you can not be bad and scare other animals. You are not a lion. You are destined to be a rabbit and a rabbit by nature is not an aggressive animal that will attack and scare other animals. A rabbit is a very peaceful animal."

Binny: “But I don’t want to be attacked all the time without even given a chance to fight back.”

Betsy: “Go ahead then! Try to attack some other animals! See if you can do it. I know you very well just like I know myself. You won’t be able to ‘wear’ the lion skin. It won’t fit you. You won’t be able to pretend that you are bad and scary because you are not. We are the same bunny rabbit. We are not scary. We are lovable and like to live in peace. We eat vegetables, not meat. I think that is why we are not scary. Just accept it, Binny. I am sure God has a very good plan for us, the rabbit. He won’t let us be eaten or attacked by the lions for example.”

Binny: “Oh, Betsy. I just wish that these lions would just leave me alone and stop attacking me.”

Betsy: “That’s easy, Binny. Just hop away as fast as you can and never turn back.”

Binny: “It’s not that easy for me to just hop away from my predators when they have gotten my long ears.”

Betsy gives a big sigh and shed her tears. She remembers clearly seeing her best friend, Binny, was trying her might to hop away from two big scary hands which grabbed her long ears, pulled Binny away from her, killed her and made her into a delicacy dish, barbecue rabbit. She had no power to help her best friend.
She knows her turn will come soon and suddenly she wish that she were a lion. Now she understands why Binny wanted to be a lion.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Start your day with a laughter

I love reading a newspaper. Every morning while having my breakfast, I normally browse through all the pages and read the big title news.If there is an interesting news, I will remember the page and will return to it after I finish browsing all the pages.

One of the pages I always love to read first is the comics page. Garfield comic will be my first choice, then the rest of the comics, and I finish it with the horoscope section.

Friday, 1st September 2006 newspaper is quite special because when I read the comics section, Hagar the horrible comic (by Chris Browne) caught my attention first, instead of my beloved Garfield. After I read the Hagar story, I just couldn't stop laughing for the whole day.Even when I slept at night, I still remember that funny Hagar and started to laugh quitely.

Hagar was talking to his son, Hamlet.

Hagar: "Hamlet, when you marry and have your own home, you must always be on guard againts the hidden enemy! They will invade your home, eating and drinking and helping themselves to your money and your possesions unless you're very careful!"

Hamlet: "Who will these people be, daddy?"

Hagar: "They're called in-laws."

Whua..ha..ha..Even while typing this I still can't stop laughing. If you don't know what's so funny about it, get married and soon you'll be ROTFLYAO (Rolling On The Floor Laughing Your A** Off) just like me. Whua..ha..ha..It's so good to start the day with a laughter.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Upcoming events that you fear might be dangerous actually hold no real threat to
you or to your current lifestyle, so don't spend any time worrying today. Your
fears right now are not warranted at all; you may be in a more cautious phase of
life, but that is only because certain things are starting to mean a lot more to
you. The stakes may be getting higher, but you are completely capable of rising
to the occasion. So act boldly and do not doubt yourself!

That is exactly what my star sign from friendster said about what I'm going to face. It does not look bad. Hmm...I really do hope that is true because at the moment I need some words of encouragement that can boost my spirit a little bit.

I am in a desperate need of having a friend/friends that I can hang out with to help me to get out of my boredom and my loneliness and to lift up my confidence in life. I do know that I have loads of friends, but the problem is they are all scattered all over the world and none of them is near me physically. Not everyone can become my friend. I have set very high expectations based on what my old friends have given me and I just can't lower that expectations because I know true friends will separate themself from ordinary friends by going the extra miles to help their friends.

I really feel so empty without the presence of some friends. What's the point of having the latest model of the best handphone in the world if it never sounds because it will cost my friends a fortune to call me. I even have forgotten the last time I heard my house phone rang. Everything I do always reminds me that I have no friend to interact with, no friend to hang out with, no friend to share my cooking and my story with, no friend to go to a movie, no friend to come and visit me, no friend to go crazy with. Life is so boring and so meaningless.

It is not easy to find a friend that I can relate myself with. I have been locked away from the things I usually did in the past with my friends for 2 years and will continue until how long I don't know. What I know is that now I have forgotten how to make friend, I've lost my confidence in me, I've lost my positive attitude, I've lost the beauty in me. It is very hard to describe how it bothers me so much not having a friend around me. I am a very sociable person by nature, so being told of to accept the fact that those days with my friends around me are gone, it makes me want to kill myself.

So now, rather than I kill myself, I'd better hold on to those beautiful memories I have with all my friends hoping that they will return to me eventually someday while trying my best to cope with the current situation with the help of internet to keep in touch to the best I can with all my friends where ever they are in the world to fill my emptiness and my loneliness. I know I can do it. My star sign said I am capable of rising to the occasion.

I know my son has been the greatest friend I have so far. I sing and dance with him. I cook special food for him. I talk and tell stories to him. I cuddle him. I keep him company every minute. I love him so much and I do not mind at all spending all the time I have for him, but then please I beg you: not to ask me about what's going on in this world because I may not have time to watch the news or to log on internet anymore, not to set a minimum salary I have to get when the time is come for me to get a job because I will have been 'gong' (blur) and will have been disconnected from the world for years, not to ask me to write a complicated program which I used to be able to because my priority will be to apply the any algorithms to make my son to eat.

All these conditions you have set for me will make me crave more for the presence of my friends who can understand me, who can understand my situation, and who can understand what I have been going through.

Ask me about children songs and nursery rhymes, I'll sing for you all until you get sick of those songs. Ask me about how to breastfeed, I'll teach you how to do it correctly. Ask me about how to change nappy, I'll show you the quickest way to do it. My world is a completely different world now. It's a motherhood world with no pay and no sick leave. I hope you acknowledge and appreciate that.

Just like what my star sign said, I should not spend my time worrying about upcoming event that I fear will become a threat for me and I'd better start now.
I really do hope you help me and not posing any questions that can bring me down into my depression more. Just be my friend, because I need a friend and I hope you can be my true friend indeed.

Monday, August 14, 2006

On my birthday...

On my birthday,
I would like to say,
to you my friend,
from the far away land

You have came into my difficult and complicated life
brought loads of happiness other people had made it such a strife
You have never left me alone
even if I have to fight the world on my own

How wonderful you are
you let me forget my old scar
lead me to shine like the north star
even if you think I am a little bit bizarre

Now I am without you
I feel so lonely I always feel blue
Please tell me what to do
Shall I fly to you and have our friendship renewed?

Dedicated to all my beloved friends where ever you are. How I wish I could celebrate this day together with you like before.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Eating disorder

My hubby and I agree that both of us have eating disorder disease. Our eating disorder disease is not the one that makes us look super thin like a living skeleton but instead is the one that makes us look like an elephant.

We started to realize having eating disorder when we went to Someplace Else pub at Sheraton Labuan where we could see there are so many girls, men, women with great looking bodies who enjoy showing off parts of their body to look sexier because they are confident of their great body shape. We started to look at our own body shape and things we have eaten the whole night that night. We used to be like them. We used to be very sexy and have a great body shape too. But then again, when we recalled what we ate, just that night, we had a full set of buffet including barbecue meat (lamb, beef, mutton) and seafood(crab, lobster, prawn) for our dinner and then we proceeded to the pub ordering 2 bottles of beer (for my hubby) and a glass of Baileys on the rock for me together with a plate of nuts and some crackers, we both agreed that we need to fight our eating disorder to go back to our sexy shape.

But I don't think it is going to be easy for us because both of us just like to eat. We think it's fun to try many different kinds of dishes as long as we can afford them. We like to go to a buffet where you can have a complete set of meal course from starter to dessert as much as you want.

Our favorite desserts are ice cream and cakes (mostly are chocolate and tiramisu) and the worst thing is that we prefer to have them at night just before we go to bed.
We also love to eat crabs and prawns. We will hunt all the restaurants that serve good big black pepper/chilli crabs.
My husband favorite dish is curry, and as I have mentioned before on one of my previous post, if possible, he would like anything to be curried.
As for me, I have to confess that my favorite fruit among all fruits in the world is the King of fruit or you can call it Durian. To me, Durian is a sacred fruit and can only be enjoyed as it is. What I mean is that I don't like to enjoy Durian when it is made into a cake, ice cream, or anything else. When I eat/enjoy my Durian, I never want to share it with anyone else even with my beloved people. I become a very selfish person when it comes to a fresh ripe Durian.

Not only the food we eat has been contributing to our eating disorder, but our habit of sitting in front of computer for hours after meal could also be blamed for creating our big belly figures.
So, with eating disorder and bad habit of sleeping or sitting for hours after meal, you can imagine how 'humongous' we are.
I actually had realized about this eating disorder when I went to Singapore to shop. I was very disappointed and sad when I went home from Singapore empty handed because I just could not find my cloth size. All the cloths suddently look so tiny to me even for the L size.
But still, I was trying to deny that I have an eating disorder that has disfigured my used-to-be great looking figure.

I guess time is running out for both us. If we do not try to do something about it, we will be in a great danger of having other diseases such as high blood pressure, heart attack, or just plain obese. Every time my husband and I try to remind each other to exercise and we are trying our best to exercise.

For my husband, things are not so bad because he works and at work, he needs to always walk from one place to another which is quite a distance.
But for me, since I don't work and the place I live in is very small so not much space to move around, I just have to push my self to go out of the house to swim or to run at the park.

I hope by our birthdays, we will be able to loose a few Kgs so that we can put on our sexiest cloths and start to attract each other again with our great body shape. Hmm...that means I have to work out more because my birthday comes first... :-( Oh what a disease!


Monday, August 07, 2006

Labuan, Malaysia

Labuan is a tiny island. It is part of Malaysia situated on the north of Borneo island near Sabah. It takes 2 hours and 20 minutes to fly there by Air Asia ( plane from Kuala Lumpur low cost carrier terminal (LCCT).

The reasons to come to Labuan are because it has a very beautiful and clean beaches circling the island and also because Labuan is a duty free state where chocolate and liquor prices are cheaper compared to other states in Malaysia.

Labuan is very quite so it is the best destination to get away from our hectic life to get a peace of mind, to relax and to spend time with the whole family.

Since the island is quite small, the distance from one place to another is not too far and it doesn't take long to travel around the island. From the airport to our hotel (Sheraton Labuan) which is located at the opposite of the financial park center, it took less than 10 minutes by taxi and it costs RM8.80 (you must purchase the ticket at the counter) and traffic is so smooth because not many cars on the road.

If we wanted to circle the whole island, it will take about 1 - 1.5 hours with maximum of 5 minutes stopping to take photograph at each tourist destination and it costs less than RM50 for the taxi ride.
Circling the whole island is the best way to see what Labuan can offer for your best vacation time. The view is magnificent and it is very peaceful. The people there are quite friendly and helpful.

During our visit to this island, we stayed at Sheraton Labuan Hotel which is the best hotel in Labuan. The hotel is beautiful and we were quite lucky to get a room overlooking the sea and the swimming pool. This hotel really gives the best service and a very prompt one. Sheraton Labuan can give a good internet rate if you book online. We were quite happy to stay at this hotel because in front of this hotel, there is the biggest shopping mall complex in which you can shop (buy some duty-free products), eat, play bowling or just hang out. There is Pos Malaysia there too in case you want to mail some postcards to your family and friends.

On our 1st night in Labuan, we went to Mawilla Yatch Club seafood restaurant to have dinner. This restaurant is not too far from Sheraton. It costs RM7-8 one way by taxi. The hotel will be happy to call the taxi for you. The restaurant is by the sea so you can eat while enjoying the sea breeze touches your face. We ordered steam fish kampong style and it was very delicious. You choose your own fish and they will weigh and tell you how much it costs. Other dishes were quite good too except the black pepper crab. The crab unfortunately was quite small and there was too much soy sauce instead of black pepper so it became quite sweet instead of pepper hot. (on the side: The best black pepper crabs I've ever tasted is at Hai Pa Wang Restaurant in Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia. This restaurant bakes the crabs first before they cook the crabs black pepper style and they only serve medium/big crabs!).

For our second day in Labuan, we went to Financial Park center to have lunch. There are many restaurants and a food court in there, including KFC and Pizza Hut. After having lunch, we went to Labuan International Sea Sport Complex and visited Labuan Marine Musium (There is NO entrance fee charged in here). For dinner, we wanted to try Labuan chinese food and our taxi driver took us to Portview Restaurant and Lounge. This restaurant is under the same management as the Mawilla but this time all the dishes we ordered were quite good especially the baked cheesy tiger prawns. It's yummy.

On our 3rd day, we went to Seri Malindo Restaurant to have lunch. Seri Malindo is near Sarah hotel about less than 10 minutes away from Sheraton. This place serves Malaysian and Indonesian style dishes. The food is cheap. After lunch, we took a taxi ride to circle the whole island. After that, my husband and I had a stroll around the Labuan Square and we had 2 big fresh coconut juices at Medan Selera food joint just behind Sheraton hotel. For our dinner, we decided to have buffet in our hotel. Sheraton serves a wonderful delicious food at their theme buffet restaurant Victoria's brasseri. After putting my son to bed, my husband and I went to Someplace Else Pub in Sheraton. This pub is quite happening. Many people visit this pub. My husband and I were having a great time together. Unfortunately, we are not accustomed to going to a pub late at night anymore, so by 11pm, both of us yawning at the same time and we decided to go back to our room and sleep.

It was a wonderful trip for our family. We hope to go back to Labuan again some other time (I hope Air Asia gives away more tickets) to buy more chocolates. :-)

If you want to visit Labuan, I suggest you check out this website: for a more complete information about all tourist attractions there.


The power of prayer

When I found out that my son was down with the viral infection again, I felt so devastated because we supposed to go for a family vacation in 2 days.
Day and night I prayed very hard so that God would help to heal my son while taking care of him.
I really wanted to go for this vacation because I was hoping that all of us could spend the quality family time together far away from everything that has made my husband and I almost forgot about spending time together. We got free tickets from Air Asia ( to go to (Wilayah Persekutuan) Labuan when this budget airline gave away 2 million tickets to go to any Air Asia destinations. We have booked the hotel and the transportation.

It was one day to go for our family vacation and we haven't decided whether to cancel this trip or not because we still put our hope high on the great power of prayer and our faith that God would help us to heal my son just in time for our vacation.
At the end, God answered our prayer. My son's body temperature settled down and he was doing fine. After consulting the Paed, we managed to go to Labuan for a 4-day family vacation.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How hard is it to stay with your marriage commitment?

The answer is VERY HARD. I really do find it hard if I have to keep the marriage commitment by myself and my other half doesn't even bother to help. In a marriage, it takes 2 to tango. I can say this not because I want to break away from my marriage commitment, but because I found it that many people in this sinful world just cannot keep their married commitments. There are too many married people or shall I say almost all married people have betrayed their other halves because of the marital problems they experience in their marriage life and then this betrayal usually will lead to a break up in the marriage. This is a very sad situation especially if there are innocent children involved.

According to my own little survey, married people get bored with their marriage situation after a certain period of time so they start to go for a 'little adventure' outside their marriage life to challenge their spirit and of course their other halves to see if it is worth to keep the marriage commitment.

Gosh! I wish that these people could understand that a marriage is NEVER a game in your life. it involves a lot of innocence people when children are present in the marriage. If at the end you just can't stay being married to the same person, why the hell in the first place you dare to take the vow and say "I do" after all the conditions of marriage being mentioned in front of your face?

One sentence during my wedding I remember the most is "Do you X take Y as your beloved wife/husband and stay with her/him for better for worse, in sickness, in health, in rich and in poor, till death do you apart?" (or something like that).
This sentence carries the heaviest part of your wedding vow. Most in love couple that are getting married will just say "I do" without even listening to the important question being asked. It's so easy for them to say "I do" without realizing that they are making a VOW in front of God and His witnesses. That is a VOW! Not just an ordinary promise. It's not supposed to be broken just like that.

By saying "I do", you are not just making a vow in front of God and His witness, but you are also agreeing to meet your wedding commitment to be with the person you are marrying with for what ever the marriage conditions are. This is not an easy commitment to make and to maintain and this is not a joke or a play. That is why you need to be mature enough to get married. You need to be strong enough to face all the challenges in your marriage life and you need to be able to understand that marriage is a union between 2 different people with different background and living style. There is feeling involved too.

But unfortunately and sadly, many people just simply forget about that VOW/commitment. Some of them may not remember saying "I do" because they were soo tired during the wedding or they were so nervous, blah blah..many other reasons.
With the strong reason of "irreconcilable differences", a couple brakes their marriage without even trying their best to work out the differences and to mend the relationship. Well, you know you are married to a person with a different head, don't you! So, why did you marry that person then? You should never 'punish' the other person by breaking the marriage and hiding behind those differences just to have a go to another different person? Do you think you'll be successful this time? Unless you are marrying to YOUR CLONE, I don't think it's fair to say that your new relationship with new person will work out because you will still have differences with that new person.

Rather than wasting your energy, age, money, and time to deal with a new breed, why don't you try to focus on working out your differences with your used-to-beloved other half? Give yourself and your other half a chance to adjust the differences between you. Try to remember how you 2 started to fall in love to each other and try to remember that you have VOWED "YOU AGREE TO TAKE YOUR OTHER HALF AS YOUR BELOVED WIFE/HUSBAND FOR BETTER FOR WORSE (this include if you other half is getting fat or bald or not sexy or disfigure), IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, IN RICH AND IN POOR, TILL DEATH DO YOU 2 APART."

So, as a matured grown up, you have to be able to fight the evil in you and never let evil interfere in your marriage life which is already challenging enough for both of you. Open communication is the key. Look at your children's innocent eyes. They will learn how to love from both of you. Have a cup of coffee/tea (not any alcoholic drinks, because alcohol will just blur your mind), sit down and discuss your differences with a cool head and an open mind. Please do not blame each other for whatever bad things in your marriage life but instead, unite as one to fight the 'unwanted evil guesses' that come and go to disturb and to test your commitment. As I said before, it takes 2 to tango, work together as 1 so neither of you will be blamed for 'inviting' bad energy into your marriage.

NOTE: This article doesn't apply to people who are abusive (verbally or physically) to their partners.

edited by Coffeeliqueur: Wed, 02 August 2006.


Friday, July 14, 2006

Life full of ups and downs

It's been almost a month since my last post. Life is full of ups and downs just within a month. I felt that I was at the lowest point of my life.

My son was hospitalized for 3 days a day after my last post because of high fever and viral infection. I literally run him to the nearest hospital at midnite to get some treatment because I am not allowed to drive with an expired driving license. Luckily the hospital is just 10 minutes away from my house. I had to stay with him and had to stay awake for 2X24 straight. The 3rd day when I arrived home, I collapsed for an hour because I was too exhausted and my body and mind couldn't take it anymore. I was too sleepy. Nobody was around so no one helped me. When I gained my consciousness, I got severe headache but I just had to stand it. I still need to take care my son. Then after he was discharged from the hospital, I had to take him back and forth to do some follow-up check ups with his pediatrician.

3 days after that I had to travel back to my home town to renew my driving license that has been expired for a year. This was quite a happy journey for me. I got a chance to be my parents' 'little' daughter again. I met all my good friends and meeting them is something that I have been dreaming of for ages. They lifted up my spirit a little bit.

After that it was my folks turned to visit me for 2 weeks. It was supposed to be a good 2-week for me to have my parents around to help me but instead, it was a hell 2-week for me because my son has to be admitted into the hospital for the 2nd time. I was super worried when I saw my son was shaking violently and turned to blue. Again, I literally run him to the hospital. Though I have a driving license at that moment, there is no car to drive. So, yeah, I got to run my son again to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital, his pediatrician sent him to the treatment room straight away and gave him the I.V-drip and some oxygen to help him to breathe. It was quite a tense moment for me. My son had a very high fever and his blood count dropped so low far below the normal level. Again, it was because of viral infection. This time the virus has attacked all over his body. I was extremely sad and depressed. My baby and I had to stay in the hospital for 3 nites. Luckily for me this time I had my parents to help me but still I was the one who stayed in the hospital every night. My husband and my mom took turn to accompany me. On the 4th day my son was finally discharged from the hospital though his blood count was still far below the normal level and his body was full of rashes. His paed told me that the rashes were the normal reaction of viral infection. My parents went back home feeling sad for they had to leave me alone with my son who hasn't fully recovered yet. But they had no choice. They had to go back to work. So, for a week after hospitalization, I had to go back and forth to do some follow-up check ups.
Today, finally I received the good news that my son blood count is back to normal level and he is very healthy with no rashes. Thank you God!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Women and breastfeeding part 2

I was a novice too in breastfeeding and got very frustrated and upset every time I heard my baby cried because I thought I had given my best to breastfeed him but no milk came out and he was still hungry. Fortunately for me, I was put in the post maternity hospital for 3 days. Over there I was taught to breastfeed correctly and to put my baby in the correct position to avoid the pain and to let the baby suck the milk instead of the air. I did cry a lot of time and I swore and cursed every time I had to nurse my baby. The midwives were so patient with me. They gave me pain killer and kept on helping me to put my baby in the correct position for nursing. For the whole first month of breastfeeding my baby, I didn’t do it correctly but I didn’t give up. Every time I broke down and got so frustrated, I called the Plunket and talked to them. They are always available for me 24/7. But still, my milk came out so little. I nearly gave up breastfeeding my baby when suddenly I got a phone call from a nice lady saying that she heard about me having baby and know nothing about taking care my baby. So, she agreed to come over to my place, showed me, guided me, and helped me to express my milk correctly and about some other first time-mother survival guides. The help I got from my friends are so great as well. One of good friend has a son and she is such a wonderful friend for ‘teaching’ me ‘motherhood 101’. She taught me by taking me into her house and gave loads of examples and she made sure I understand completely. I really do appreciate her help.

I just want to be like those people that have helped me. I just want to share my experience with these inexperience mothers. I really don’t mean to bug them and teach them as if I am the expert. I have learnt a lot when I breastfed my baby and I wanted to share that knowledge. I just hope they realize and know that her milk supply is always enough for their baby as long as they keep on giving their baby that precious milk to give the best protection for their babies. By giving your baby your breast milk, you have given your baby your love and their first IMMUNISATION. Mother’s milk is the best milk because it is full of love, protection, and is cheap. I wish all women knew about this. If you don't know, let me help you.

Women and breastfeeding part 1

What is going on nowadays with women and breastfeeding? About 4 out of 5 women I know do not breast-feed their babies and around me looks like there are more and more women don’t breast-feed their babies. My hands are itchy to bring up this subject on my blog because I really believe the importance of breastfeeding for the babies.

Although the survey that has been made by United Nation, there are 15% more women breast-feed their babies globally, I still think that modern women nowadays a little bit reluctant of breastfeeding their babies. I heard many reasons given by those women. But most of them said that their breasts produce very little milk so it is not enough for the babies and they just choose to give formula instead and let their breasts stop producing milk completely. These women, at least the ones I know, complain that their breasts are so painful every time they nurse their babies and because of this painful feeling, they’d rather stop nursing. They just can’t cope with this pain because they are already very tired; lack of sleep, the headache, the body ache and the never-stop-sound of their crying babies. To make it worse, they are still in the baby blues mode. So, they just don’t have spare energy to learn to express their breast milk correctly and to cope with the pain not only on the breasts but also on their stomach (because the womb contracts to its original size before these women were pregnant).

I really really feel sorry for these women. I really really want to help them but unfortunately I am not a doctor, not a midwife, and not even old enough for them to listen to me. All I can do just giving them my advice but they keep on telling me that they’d rather give up breastfeeding their babies because there is not enough milk coming out from their breasts and they just think I am such a busy body person.

I am a mother too and I breastfed my baby exclusively for 15 months. When I had my baby it was my first time. I was all alone; husband not around, parents and parents in law not around, no family around, and I was living in a country that is not my home country. If you care, you can read my story from my previous post “Confession of a mother on mother’s day”. So I definitely know how they feel.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The happiest moment in my life

I went to Singapore 2 weeks ago to attend my good friend’s wedding. It was the best wedding I have ever attended. It was quite relax and everyone had so much fun. The food was delicious. The bride and the groom are very friendly and kept on moving around to greet all the guesses. This is quite unusual in a wedding celebration. Usually, the bride and the groom will have to sit in front on the stage ready to shake hands to hundreds of guesses that attended the wedding until their hands are numb and they also have to pass on all the delicious food so that their wedding dress won’t get dirty. They also have to change their wedding costume to a different wedding dress or something like that. But at that time, there was nothing like the usual. The bride, who is my good friend, was busy going around from 1 table to another to have a little chat with her guesses. She looked so gorgeous and so thin. She did make me jealous to see my own shape. I definitely looked enormous every time I stood next to her. Oh well, this is the body of a woman that has given birth..he..he..he..(I try to make myself happy).

To me, the most wonderful time of that wedding was not about the food, or the environment, but it was about meeting my beloved friends. I have lost touch with them for more than 6 years since I left the company I have worked for nearly 3 years. The bond I have with them is not just an ordinary friendship kind of relationship but is more like a brother-sister kind of relationship. It was like a small reunion. Unfortunately, not all of them were there. I was the only one carrying full set of team consisting of my hubby, my son, and even my maid. I wanted to introduce my son and my hubby to them all because this was the first time they finally got a chance to meet my hubby and my son.

I really did have a great time talking and catching up stories with my beloved friends. Oh not only with my friends because my ex-supervisor was there too. Mostly all my friends were making fun at me for having a degree but staying at home 24/7. I didn’t mind them making fun of me. I miss them all. I like them teasing me just like the old times. I am glad they never see me differently as I am now fat, ugly, and huge compared to them all. I had never been so happy like that for ages. I was definitely very very happy. I was in heaven for 2 hours. Nothing can make me that happy before. I really appreciate my good friend and her husband for sharing the happiest moment with me and my family. Thanks a million, G! I wish I had more moments like that. Whatever! It’s just a wish and it will always be a wish only and nothing but a wish.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

In the name of “Bureaucracy” – story from Jogjakarta

Everyday I try to keep on updating myself with the news from Jogjakarta by reading newspapers and internet news, by watching CNN/BCC, and by calling my parents.
Though I prefer to get the news directly from the affected people but it’s not easy to call directly to Jogjakarta from overseas. So, I can only call my parents who are getting news from my family members at the affected areas.

All the news I read and hear is just like a sharp knife piercing my heart deeply. Everything in Jogjakarta and other affected areas such as Klaten, Prambanan, and Bantul is so familiar to me. I just went there 2 months ago. Everything was very beautiful. The people were happy and friendly. I could always see their beautiful smiles on their faces. Never did we know that for some of them, it was the last smile I saw.

Today, it’s been 3 days since the disaster struck. It’s been 3 days these people have no proper place to stay, no proper food to eat and no proper cloths to wear. The only cloth they wear is the one they have been wearing since the doomsday. They stay under a piece of plastic just to cover their heads from the rain water that adds to all the pains they have been trying to cope. Some of them are a little bit luckier they get 2 boxes of instant noodles to be shared with their 19 family members for 3 days. They have to put so much water to make the noodle just like a bowl of thick porridge.

I thought the aids are pouring from all over the world. I thought the world has pledge to help by sending all the basic needs such as food, cloths, medications, tents, and some cash. But unfortunately, all of these have not been distributed yet in the name of bureaucracy. Can you imagine, my friends? These people already have enough suffering still they have to produce any kinds of proof that they belong to the affected area just to get the food. For god sake, these people are starving already. How the hell they have to remember to bring their identity cards when they have to evacuate so that they can get some food later? They don’t even know where to look for their identity cards. Their houses don’t exist anymore. It’s ridiculous!

Since these people are desperate for something to eat, they are forced to BUY some food on their own. They swarm 1 supermarket that has survived from the earthquake. Some people who survived are trying to make profit from the situation by increasing the price of basic needs. Oh well, I believe this story sounds familiar to you. If you remember Aceh – the Tsunami story, you will understand what kind of bureaucracy I am talking about. If you want to help the earthquake victims in Indonesia, I suggest you make sure your donations reach the people who need them the most A.S.A.P. But unfortunately, it is not going to be ‘that’ easy. I don’t even know how to help my own brother and his family who are in desperate need of some food and milk for his 2 sons. It’s hard for me to swallow the food every time I eat when I know my brother, his wife and his 2 children have nothing to eat. I hope God will help us to help these desperate people.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The news from Jogjakarta

Early morning around 10am I finally received a short message on my mobile from my brother in Jogjakarta informing me that he, his wife and his 2 kids are fine but they are still very nervous and shaken by the incident. They don't dare to sleep inside their house. They are afraid of more aftershocks coming and rocking their house.

The moment I knew the cell phone service in Jogjakarta is up and running, I quickly called my brother. His wife picked up the phone and told me everything.

Here is her story:
That day, yesterday, was her birthday and she just received a sms from my mum greeting her "Happy birthday" at around 5:45am. So, she was still half sleeping and holding the phone with her. She was about to fell asleep again when suddenly she felt the whole bed rocking and she saw the whole house shaking and there were loud noise and rumble like something collapse. She thought my uncle who lives next door was making something in his kitchen which shares the wall with my brother's master bedroom. So she tried to continue sleeping while her husband, who is my brother, suddenly realized what happened and jumped out of the bed and run out of the bedroom trying to get out of the house but he couldn't find the main door key. He was very panic and started to yell asking where the hell the key was. She quickly jumped out of the bed dragging her 2 years old son and trying her best to wake up her 7 years old son while screaming calling her husband to help her carry the younger one. But her husband was extremely panic because he just couldn't find the door key. He screamed and screamed banging the door and from outside, he heard my uncles and my unties who live close to them banging the door from outside asking them to get out from the house A.S.A.P.

Luckily, his husband finally found the key and opened the door while his whole body was shaking, he found it very hard to open the door. Once the door was opened, she quickly dragged her 2 children getting out of the house with her husband and my uncles and my unties run and hugged them so tightly. They were blown off by the view they saw outside the house. Their neighbor's houses have collapsed. They saw many people running around screaming and crying because they couldn't get their other family members out of the house in time before their houses collapsed.
The situation was a total mess and very chaotic. They were so numb and just didn't know what to do. They couldn't stand still as the ground kept on moving and they felt dizzy. They tried to avoid standing near tall coconut trees which shook violently and they also saw the wave on the river in front of their house. They were totally petrified. They could feel the ground moved. There were many aftershocks following the earthquake.

Once the situation a little bit quiter, my untie took everyone home to have breakfast. After breakfast, at around 8am, many people run around again screaming there was tsunami coming to them. So again, everyone at my untie's house run up to the 3rd floor. They were so scared. My sis-in-law suddenly had view of Aceh which was hit by tsunami and earthquake in December 2004. She was extremely nervous trying her best with her husband to protect their 2 sons. But then there was no tsunami. Instead, some more aftershocks rocked the 3rd floor violently. She screamed asking for help and quickly run down and got out of my untie's house.

Her husband decided to get his motorbike and took her and the 2 kids for a ride to see the situation outside their village. When they were out on the street, they saw even more devastating situation. They went to a nearby telecom stall to rent a phone to call my parents. While calling, they could still feel the ground shook and they just couldn't bear the fear. They hung up and quickly rode the motorbike again trying to get some food to eat for lunch and dinner, but unfortunately, all the supermarkets they used to go to, have been flattened to the ground by the earthquake. Still they think they are really lucky God has saved them and their house. At least they still have a place to go home though they still don't know the condition of the building.

My brother and the whole family are still scared and blur and hungry because they still cannot find some food to eat. For my sis-in-law, that day was the worst birthday ever but at the same time God has given her the best birthday gift by protecting her and the whole family.
Gosh, I wish I could just fly there and take them with me. I have a lot of food to spare. But things are not as easy as snapping my fingers and say "Abracadabra". I think I just have to wait for any chances to help and at the moment I pray for them all.

There are alot more horrible stories that I would like to share but it's already closing to midnite and I need to sleep before my son wakes up. I will post more stories tomorrow.

A deadly earthquake hit Jogjakarta

I was in the middle of my cooking session at home when I received many short messages on my mobile phones from my friends and my mother about a powerful 6.2 magnitude earthquake (update: according to CNN, it's 6.3 magnitude) that has shook Jogjakarta at 5:54am on Saturday, 27 May 2006. The epicenter is about 25km south of Jogjakarta. The worst hit area is Bantul, a city near the Indian Ocean. The latest news from CNN mentioned that 2,275 people are dead.

As I wrote earlier on my previous post that I have many reasons to visit Jogjakarta, this time, I also have many reasons to be nervous about what is happening there. I was panic and quickly switched on my TV channel to CNN but at that time CNN still didn’t have the news coverage. I quickly switched on to BBC news, but there is no news coverage either. I switched on my internet and started to read the horrible news and I became tense. I tried to contact my brother who lives in Jogjakarta but his cell phone was out of reach. I frantically dialed my sister-in-law’s cell phone but I didn’t get any answer either. I extremely tensed up and kept on trying to contact any of my cousins, my aunties, or any other family members who live in Jogjakarta, but none answered. I nearly cried when finally one of cousin picked up his cell phone informing me that they were safe but they still could not get any news from my brother and his family. I became so frustrated and quickly called my parents who don’t live in Jogjakarta hoping to get further news from my brother and his family. It was very hard to contact them. I had to use my cell phone to call when I finally got to talk to my parents. They told me that they managed to talk to my brother early in the morning after the incident and before all cell phone lines got disconnected. My brother and family were safe. Their house is still standing. Only all the glass windows are broken. Many of their neighbor’s houses were flattened to the ground including a house just right behind my brother’s house. That’s all the news I got. My parents didn’t want to talk too long on the phone because they need the phone to be ready to receive any news from Jogjakarta.

I am still not relieved before I could talk to my brother personally but I really can’t contact him. The news I read on the internet informed me that the cell phone services in Jogjakarta are disrupted and the electricity is cut off. So, I really can’t do anything to contact my brother. I decided to continue cooking and put my mobile within my reach.

At around 5pm, my cousin sent me a sms informing me that he finally can contact my brother. My brother and his family are still at home safe and sound. Oh thank you God!
That’s all came out from my mouth. There are many other people I know who live in Jogjakarta and I really want to know their condition but I can’t contact them at the moment so there is nothing else I could do. I just sat down and prayed for them all while my TV channel was tuned to CNN or BBC for more news about Jogjakarta.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Confession of a mother on mother's day

Kiss from mommy
Good morning my beloved son,

Every morning I wake up and see you still sleeping on my arm, I feel so grateful being who I am. I feel so grateful that you are my son. I feel so grateful that you have given me a chance to experience such a wonderful feeling to be a mother. I have no regret what so ever to have you as my son.

You are God's most precious gift to me for being so patient and persistent in believing that I would have you eventually and naturally though it took 5 years to finally have you in my arms, though I had given a 'death sentence' by many gynecologysts that it would be very difficult for me to conceive and because of this I had been mocked as useless person and have been ex-communicated by the people close to me. But you have saved me. Your presence at the right time have saved me from all the mocking I've got, have helped me to gain my dignity back and have helped me to prove that God always listens to my prayers.

My dear son, since the first time I found out that you were living inside me, I got so excited. Actually, I didn't quite believe you were there in the first place until your godmothers forced me to have a pregnancy test. Even then, I still refused to believe in the test. I wanted to hear personally from my doctor whom I trust. At that time I took the test, it was Sunday and my doctor wasn't available so I have to wait until Monday to get the confirmation about your presence in my tummy. Monday came and my doctor confirmed that you were there and she suggested me to have someone like a midwife or a doctor to monitor your growth and our health throughout the pregnancy.

Since that day, I really have mixed feeling about you. I was extremely happy, excited, scared, nervous, and blur at the same time.
I was very happy because finally my prayer has been answered.
I was excited because finally I would be a mother and I would have to experience a new life as a mother.
I was scared because I was afraid I couldn't become a good mother for you and I was afraid because I had to go through this pregnancy alone because at that time, I was in the exile working full time and trying to realize my other dream of having a degree and it was my final year and since I didn't know I was pregnant, I had taken extra papers and they were quite difficult ones.
I was nervous and blur because this was my first time to experience the pregnancy and I was not young anymore and I didn't know whom I could ask for help as your dad couldn't be with me throughout the pregnancy because of his work commitment.

But I really didn't need to worry at all because when God decided He wanted to give me the present, He made sure that I was ready.
He made sure that he has provided me with all the support I would need.
Age wise, I was really ready. My body sure is ready. I was quite healthy at that time.
But mental wise, God helped me to be ready by giving me the best midwife who really really did take good care of me and you throughout the pregnancy and the best of all, God has given me all my beloved friends and beloved lecturers to be around me 24/7 to support me and help me though they didn't live with me. They were there for me anytime I needed someone to be with me; to do my grocery shopping; to help me to look for a new place to stay that was very near to the place I studied and also was near to the hospital where you were born; to help me moving to that place; to help me with any difficulties in any assignments I had; to cook for me; to consult me when I was down; to be my temporary partner when I had to attend the pre-natal class without your daddy.
These people have supported me not only during the pregnancy, but they also have supported me during and after the delivery. What a wonderful people!

It was a very very smooth ride for me. I never felt alone at all. Everything I needed was there for me even just for a piece of bread when I was run out of bread, and really craved for the bread and I couldn't go to buy it, God suddenly sent his angels to deliver the bread to me.
I didn't know them but they said they were my neighbors and they were having bread party and everyone in the same building has the right to choose and eat which bread she/he wanted.
God has planned everything for us by sending me to live in that country you were born, the wonderful country that is full of friendly and helpful people, the country that has 1 of the best healthcare systems in the world, the country that is really a child-friendly country, the country that prioritize the pregnant women and children above all others.
Every where I went, people would talk to me and asked me about my big tummy. From a little girl till old ladies, they all were very happy to greet me.
You see, my son? How God is so great! He really made sure that you were comfortable inside my womb, though I had to take you to the labs many times and went home late at nite to do my assignments and to study for the exams, though the weather outside my womb was very cold because at that time was winter time. I did whatever I could to make you feel comfortable.

But no matter how comfortable my womb was, you chose to come out early. You decided to see the sinful world 2 weeks early from the due date. I was just reading my Harry Potter book at home alone when suddenly I had the urge to go to toilet and when I saw some blood coming out, I was quite numb.
I was afraid I had lost you. I called my midwife and was told that I would deliver you either that nite or the next morning.
I stood still frozen as I didn't expect you to come out early because your dad wouldn't be around when I had to deliver you and I wouldn't have anyone to hold my hands when I had to deal with the pain.
I suddenly felt so cold and panic. I didn't know what to do. I kept calling the midwife and she asked me to relax, take a deep breath, and start packing for staying at the hospital.

I couldn't concentrate, my son. I was very scared. I suddenly realized I was alone. When I was so confused and blur, again, God helped me. He sent my 2 beloved friends to be with me throughout the delivery. They were the true angels without wings for us, my son. I know we were so blessed. God knew that I would rather be with these 2 angels than with any other persons in the world to go through the pain to bring you out to this world. They were so patient and so funny. They kept me company and kept on playing jokes at me which really helped me to conquer the tremendous pain.
They let me hold their hands for comfort and strength to push you out to see the world for the first time. They were so wonderful. Though they didn't attend the pre-natal course with me, they knew what to do.

The help didn't stop there. God kept on sending His angels to help us till the day we had to leave them all. I cried so much when I had to say "goodbye" to all my angels because I don't know when I would be with them again. Perhaps someday we will be with them again.

In the mean time, mommy will focus on raising you together with your daddy. I know I'm not perfect and I still continue learning to be a good mother for you. One thing you should know, I love you unconditionally and I always pray for you. I know you still can't verbally say "I love you mommy" but I know you love me. I feel lifted up when you kiss me, when I hear your laughter, when you show me your new skill that you have just picked up, even when you show mommy your anger. You are God's magic performed in me. You are mommy's best present on every celebration I have including this coming mother's day. This is the second time I celebrate mother's day because of you. I love you, my son. Be a good person and always think positive! You are never alone because you know God is always with us.