Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Upcoming events that you fear might be dangerous actually hold no real threat to
you or to your current lifestyle, so don't spend any time worrying today. Your
fears right now are not warranted at all; you may be in a more cautious phase of
life, but that is only because certain things are starting to mean a lot more to
you. The stakes may be getting higher, but you are completely capable of rising
to the occasion. So act boldly and do not doubt yourself!

That is exactly what my star sign from friendster said about what I'm going to face. It does not look bad. Hmm...I really do hope that is true because at the moment I need some words of encouragement that can boost my spirit a little bit.

I am in a desperate need of having a friend/friends that I can hang out with to help me to get out of my boredom and my loneliness and to lift up my confidence in life. I do know that I have loads of friends, but the problem is they are all scattered all over the world and none of them is near me physically. Not everyone can become my friend. I have set very high expectations based on what my old friends have given me and I just can't lower that expectations because I know true friends will separate themself from ordinary friends by going the extra miles to help their friends.

I really feel so empty without the presence of some friends. What's the point of having the latest model of the best handphone in the world if it never sounds because it will cost my friends a fortune to call me. I even have forgotten the last time I heard my house phone rang. Everything I do always reminds me that I have no friend to interact with, no friend to hang out with, no friend to share my cooking and my story with, no friend to go to a movie, no friend to come and visit me, no friend to go crazy with. Life is so boring and so meaningless.

It is not easy to find a friend that I can relate myself with. I have been locked away from the things I usually did in the past with my friends for 2 years and will continue until how long I don't know. What I know is that now I have forgotten how to make friend, I've lost my confidence in me, I've lost my positive attitude, I've lost the beauty in me. It is very hard to describe how it bothers me so much not having a friend around me. I am a very sociable person by nature, so being told of to accept the fact that those days with my friends around me are gone, it makes me want to kill myself.

So now, rather than I kill myself, I'd better hold on to those beautiful memories I have with all my friends hoping that they will return to me eventually someday while trying my best to cope with the current situation with the help of internet to keep in touch to the best I can with all my friends where ever they are in the world to fill my emptiness and my loneliness. I know I can do it. My star sign said I am capable of rising to the occasion.

I know my son has been the greatest friend I have so far. I sing and dance with him. I cook special food for him. I talk and tell stories to him. I cuddle him. I keep him company every minute. I love him so much and I do not mind at all spending all the time I have for him, but then please I beg you: not to ask me about what's going on in this world because I may not have time to watch the news or to log on internet anymore, not to set a minimum salary I have to get when the time is come for me to get a job because I will have been 'gong' (blur) and will have been disconnected from the world for years, not to ask me to write a complicated program which I used to be able to because my priority will be to apply the any algorithms to make my son to eat.

All these conditions you have set for me will make me crave more for the presence of my friends who can understand me, who can understand my situation, and who can understand what I have been going through.

Ask me about children songs and nursery rhymes, I'll sing for you all until you get sick of those songs. Ask me about how to breastfeed, I'll teach you how to do it correctly. Ask me about how to change nappy, I'll show you the quickest way to do it. My world is a completely different world now. It's a motherhood world with no pay and no sick leave. I hope you acknowledge and appreciate that.

Just like what my star sign said, I should not spend my time worrying about upcoming event that I fear will become a threat for me and I'd better start now.
I really do hope you help me and not posing any questions that can bring me down into my depression more. Just be my friend, because I need a friend and I hope you can be my true friend indeed.

No comments: