Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How hard is it to stay with your marriage commitment?

The answer is VERY HARD. I really do find it hard if I have to keep the marriage commitment by myself and my other half doesn't even bother to help. In a marriage, it takes 2 to tango. I can say this not because I want to break away from my marriage commitment, but because I found it that many people in this sinful world just cannot keep their married commitments. There are too many married people or shall I say almost all married people have betrayed their other halves because of the marital problems they experience in their marriage life and then this betrayal usually will lead to a break up in the marriage. This is a very sad situation especially if there are innocent children involved.

According to my own little survey, married people get bored with their marriage situation after a certain period of time so they start to go for a 'little adventure' outside their marriage life to challenge their spirit and of course their other halves to see if it is worth to keep the marriage commitment.

Gosh! I wish that these people could understand that a marriage is NEVER a game in your life. it involves a lot of innocence people when children are present in the marriage. If at the end you just can't stay being married to the same person, why the hell in the first place you dare to take the vow and say "I do" after all the conditions of marriage being mentioned in front of your face?

One sentence during my wedding I remember the most is "Do you X take Y as your beloved wife/husband and stay with her/him for better for worse, in sickness, in health, in rich and in poor, till death do you apart?" (or something like that).
This sentence carries the heaviest part of your wedding vow. Most in love couple that are getting married will just say "I do" without even listening to the important question being asked. It's so easy for them to say "I do" without realizing that they are making a VOW in front of God and His witnesses. That is a VOW! Not just an ordinary promise. It's not supposed to be broken just like that.

By saying "I do", you are not just making a vow in front of God and His witness, but you are also agreeing to meet your wedding commitment to be with the person you are marrying with for what ever the marriage conditions are. This is not an easy commitment to make and to maintain and this is not a joke or a play. That is why you need to be mature enough to get married. You need to be strong enough to face all the challenges in your marriage life and you need to be able to understand that marriage is a union between 2 different people with different background and living style. There is feeling involved too.

But unfortunately and sadly, many people just simply forget about that VOW/commitment. Some of them may not remember saying "I do" because they were soo tired during the wedding or they were so nervous, blah blah..many other reasons.
With the strong reason of "irreconcilable differences", a couple brakes their marriage without even trying their best to work out the differences and to mend the relationship. Well, you know you are married to a person with a different head, don't you! So, why did you marry that person then? You should never 'punish' the other person by breaking the marriage and hiding behind those differences just to have a go to another different person? Do you think you'll be successful this time? Unless you are marrying to YOUR CLONE, I don't think it's fair to say that your new relationship with new person will work out because you will still have differences with that new person.

Rather than wasting your energy, age, money, and time to deal with a new breed, why don't you try to focus on working out your differences with your used-to-beloved other half? Give yourself and your other half a chance to adjust the differences between you. Try to remember how you 2 started to fall in love to each other and try to remember that you have VOWED "YOU AGREE TO TAKE YOUR OTHER HALF AS YOUR BELOVED WIFE/HUSBAND FOR BETTER FOR WORSE (this include if you other half is getting fat or bald or not sexy or disfigure), IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, IN RICH AND IN POOR, TILL DEATH DO YOU 2 APART."

So, as a matured grown up, you have to be able to fight the evil in you and never let evil interfere in your marriage life which is already challenging enough for both of you. Open communication is the key. Look at your children's innocent eyes. They will learn how to love from both of you. Have a cup of coffee/tea (not any alcoholic drinks, because alcohol will just blur your mind), sit down and discuss your differences with a cool head and an open mind. Please do not blame each other for whatever bad things in your marriage life but instead, unite as one to fight the 'unwanted evil guesses' that come and go to disturb and to test your commitment. As I said before, it takes 2 to tango, work together as 1 so neither of you will be blamed for 'inviting' bad energy into your marriage.

NOTE: This article doesn't apply to people who are abusive (verbally or physically) to their partners.

edited by Coffeeliqueur: Wed, 02 August 2006.



johnorford said...

What brought this post on!?!? (I was waiting for the reason throughout the post) I agree with you though, people nowadays give up too easily - then again, the upside is that you can escape from an abusive partner... (I liked your last post also - hope your son is doing well now!)

Anonymous said...

Well, the world is not just black and white, breaking out of a marriage is not necessarily bad.

Generally, people do not stay together because they went through the formality of the official ceremony. It's the other way around.

Obviously the separation of a parent is a traumatic experience for children involved. But, hey, marriage does not buy you or your future children the security of happy eternal thereafter. Your partner can prematurely die, or a million other things can happen. It's very naive to think that everything is written in stone once you are out of the church. It's not.

OenYiL said...

i agree. and life, again, is full of ups and downs.. so.. I think to always include a third person in a marriage, would be best solution.. and the only "third" person is GOD. (btw, miss daniel so much :))